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2023 CDC Awards: A satirical segment that the world is not ready for

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Last updated on 31 Dec 2023 | 10:15 AM
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2023 CDC Awards: A satirical segment that the world is not ready for

Please note this is a work of satire and it 100% will contain names of people, places and organisations, including your favourites

We are once again back at it, the CDC Awards, this time in a category that world cricket isn’t ready for. While all of these awards are purely works of fiction, you will definitely see a lot of familiar names; some even play for the national teams. If it contains your favourite team or player, don’t worry, feel blessed.

It is satire (close to). 

Hukum Award 

Winner - MS Dhoni

“Nee End Card’u Vaicha (If you put the end card)

Ivvan Trend’ah Mathi Vaippa (He will change the trend)

Nee Kuzhiya Patichu Vaicha (If you dig a hole for him)

Ivva Malayil Yeri Nippa (He will be on top of the mountain)”

With that BGM, we are announcing the first award, and no prizes for guessing, the Hukum Award, and there’s only one Supreme Leader (not Kim), but Mahendra Singh Dhoni. While he is busy promoting brands, we have the CSK management here to collect the award on behalf of their beloved ‘Thalaivar’. 

Thriller of the year 

Winner - Asia Cup final

Oh, what a clash, absolute humdinger. It was so fascinating that only three hours of play happened, and nope, it wasn’t a T20I clash. Even that goes on for more than three hours. In case you missed it, good, we don’t want to give you a recap either. 

For playing out a thriller, we welcome Sri Lanka (oh, sorry). 

We welcome Dasun Shanaka to collect the award. 

I’ve won but at what cost 

Winner - Virat Kohli

Virat Kohli looks as calm as ever, sitting sad and in shambles in the clouds, saying, "I've won, but at what cost?" This is perhaps the biggest award of this year, and it goes to the 2023 ICC World Cup’s Player of the Tournament - Kohli. 

Kohli finished the tournament with 765 runs, breaking the record for most runs in a single ODI World Cup edition, with three centuries and at least a half-century in nine of his 11 innings. But all of this only to lose the World Cup. 

Best ticketing partner 

Winner -

Let’s leave it at that. If a lot of people gather on the stage, chances are that the award winner might crash. Sorry. 

2023 ka 👑

Winner - Babar Azam

What’s a fun award session without giving the award to the best player that the year has seen - Babar Azam. They don’t make cricketers like him any more. He’s in a different class, very often in a league of his own. 

Except that the league was at an all-time low in 2023, and even if the players wanted to get to that level, they couldn’t. But hey, he has an outstanding 151 against Nepal. 

How many other players have scored 150 this year? See, he is in a realm that you normies won’t really understand. We have the King himself accepting the award. 

CM Punk of the Year 

Winner - Hardik Pandya

For all the non-WWE viewers, let me explain this very quickly. So there’s WWE, and then there's AEW, who are their rivals even though they aren’t really competing directly in the same market. So, CM Punk was part of the WWE roster before switching to AEW and then ultimately returning to WWE. 

We have the Cult of Personality himself giving this award to Hardik Pandya. I guess you all can connect the dots, eh? Hardik is here. 

Moye Moye Award 

Winner - Rohit Sharma

Okay, stop. I can hear you all humming. Evidently, this is not another Instagram reel duh, I wish it was. Unless you are living under a rock, which I hope you are not. 

Who better than Rohit Sharma for this award? Two birds with one stone, eh? First, Rohit was the captain of the vicc….. Sorry, not so victorious Indian side. In under a month, Hardik was awarded Mumbai Indians’ captaincy as well. 

In Serbian, the term 'moje more' means 'my nightmares', how fitting. 

Awkward. Oh wait, we have Hardik here to give the award. 

Ghar Wapasi 

Winner - Manish Pandey

Trust me, at this year’s auction, we saw a lot of homecomings. There was Hardik and Gautam Gambhir before the auction, Shardul Thakur during the auction, and several others. But the biggest of them all is Manish Krishnanand Pandey. That. 

To all those people saying Chennai Super Kings are going to snap Manish, the joke is on you. It is a homecoming, it is a REUNION!! 

We still believe, we still believe

He’s coming home, he’s coming home

he’s coming, Manish Pandey’s coming home

No Objection Certificate

I know that we only promised awards, but spare a thought for these three cricketers - Mujeeb ur Rahman, Fazalhaq Farooqi and Naveen-ul-Haq, the Afghanistan Cricket Board blocked them, or rather they were only blocked after they blocked Afghanistan?

So, with the IPL around the corner (yes, it is ALWAYS AROUND THE CORNER), we thought of shaking things up, and we hand them the No Objection Certificate, that’s right, the biggest award we have. 

Nobel Peace Prize

Winner - Gautam Gambhir 

Things are getting heated up, we have got an argy-bargy going on. Let’s cool the situation up. Let’s get to our next award, the Nobel Peace Prize. Of course. 

For the man who has embodied peace his whole life and has got into no fight, walking the same path as the father of our country, Mahatma Gandhi, we present this award to none other than Gautam Gambhir

Before that, we have this montage for you. A montage that shows you every time Gambhir has been a peacemaker. 

Gambhir will collect the award virtually, so Sreesanth is giving the award to his hologram. You can see a huge smile on Gambhir's face. 

Sportsmanship Award of the Year 

Winner - Harmanpreet Kaur

Now that we have got into a lot of trouble, let’s not stop. 

You remember when Harmanpreet Kaur smashed the stumps, right? Or when she went up in the post-match presentation to attack the umpire. How about when she tried to take Alyssa Healy’s head out with a wild throw? 

"I don't think I said anything wrong to any player or any person. I just said what happened on the field. I don't regret anything,” Harman had to say this after that Bangladesh incident. 

It can’t get more sportsmanship than all of this, and here’s a wild throw coming at us. 

Worst captain of the year

Winner - Pat Cummins

Australia really need a good captain, are fast bowlers even good captains? They don’t even think a lot, look at Pat Cummins. He just bowls at the same spot without thinking. And then, he’s lost a Test series in India, and he even went to England, where he blew up a 2-0 lead. 

What’s worse? He started the 2023 ODI World Cup with two defeats!!! He lost against South Africa, come on, man. How do you take this man seriously? 

Stop with that Mickey Mouse trophy - World Cup. Come on Pat, take this award of yours.  

Attacking Champions 

Winner - England

Defending champions? That’s too mainstream. Ewwwww!!

That’s how Jos Buttler went ahead of the 2023 ODI World Cup. England didn’t want to defend the title, they wanted to attack it. Pretty attacking. So, for that very reason, we are giving them and Buttler this title. 

Buttler, you might need this ahead of next year’s T20 World Cup. 

Elvish Bhai of the year 

Winner - Rinku Singh

‘Rinku bhai Ke Aage koi bowling dal sakta hai kya'. 

If the year 2023 could be defined with a saying, it is this. Arrey, Rinku Bhai ke aage, you get it, so ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together and welcome the one and only Rinku Singh, the man, the chad, and the legend. 

262 runs with a strike-rate of 180.68 and an average of 65.50, you really GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!! 

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