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It's 2040, and RCB are still chasing a title

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Last updated on 23 Mar 2023 | 08:39 AM
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It's 2040, and RCB are still chasing a title

Make no mistake, we are living on this new planet called, ‘Lazarus’

Wake up, the year is 2040, there is no more television, there is an immersive experience that needs you to pop a pill. 

What do you see on the tele? Democratic TV, with a man triple-daring people. And who is this new Independent guy who is threatening and driving these players crazy with interviews? Whaattt, from when did we start having a monarch? 

Ughh, need some fresh air to breathe. *Error pops up*, sorry you need to pay INR 5,000 for some fresh air? I know where this place is, and this is not Lazarus, this is Earth and the city is *Censors* not for the name of the city but for the identity of the city. 

Sports must surely not have changed? Changes the channel, Mateo Messi Roccuzzo is the best up and coming midfielder? Cristiano Ronaldo Jr is scoring goals for fun. *Censored club* is still battling relegation? Holy moly, this Spanish club has finally been caught for paying the refs? What about the other one? The white one? They have the same president, isn’t he already over 150 years old? 

Ah, let’s go back to cricket. I remember the jolly old days. *Switches the channel* to Beep 18 UHHHD. What’s UHHHD? Ultra High-Higher-Highest Definition. Doesn’t make a lot of sense but ya sure, I get it. People back in 2023 only weren’t making a lot of sense. Wait, that seems familiar. 

The J** Indian Premier League, and it is the big clash, Royal Challengers Bangalore vs Chennai Super Kings. At the toss, we have the two skippers, MS Dhoni and Arnav Kohli. Who is this now? I do remember Dhoni, wasn’t he 50 years old 50 years back? Who is this new chump? 

*Explains* Oh he is the second son of Indian great, Virat Kohli. Makes sense. What happened to the first one? She played for the RCB too? Cricket is indeed in the blood, in the DNA. I’m sure she has had a change of fortune?

*Pretends to be shocked*

She made her debut way back in 2033? Interesting. She bats higher up the order, at No.3? How about that national crush of Indian women’s cricket? What was her name again? Mandhana? Smriti? Smriti Mandhana! 

She’s still the skipper? How old is she now? She’s 43. Oh, I know a cricketer who used to play till 43 before getting kicked out of the competition. But has she won any title? 

*Smriti Mandhana has won a T20 World Cup, an ODI World Cup, a Women’s Champions Trophy, a Women’s Champions League*Great on her. Sorry, I went off the topic, so what about this Arnaaav? Oops sorry, Arnav. 

*Arnav is the fastest to 5K runs in youth-level cricket, he’s won the U-19 World Cup in Singapore, he is the next big thing in Delhi*

Seems like I have heard this before. That’s because his sister, Akimav also did the same? It is in the blood, then? Where were we, sorry, oh we were talking about the WPL. I still remember when it was at its nascent stage. Where are we now?

We have a separate board to handle women’s cricket? We have a president too? Oh that’s crraaazzyyy. Harmanpreet Kaur has won multiple titles too? Finally, that was just bound to happen, isn’t she the best skipper India have ever seen? SHE IS!! 

I still remember when the then-president, Mr. Blink it all talking about women’s cricket. He was doing like these 1000 advertisements at once, and was never seemingly getting caught for conflict of interest, I’m sure that hasn’t changed one bit. That HAS CHANGED? You could even be jailed for such a thing?

So, tell me more, how is this WPL thing now? Home, away and a neutral final to decide a winner? That’s crazy, I wish other leagues also start having that kind of system, best of three. Oh wait, we can’t take the names? Are we doomed? 

Is that an electric anklet on my leg? That hasn’t changed one bit, has it? How about those traffic at the Silk Board Junction and all? 

*ICYMI: The Silk Route has been renovated with the state-of-the-art technology to have a helipad, a multi-level passage that shifts vehicles from one to another without you having to do anything. And, of course, the metro project is ongoing, there is still some work that needs to be done*

Thanks, ChatGPT, I got it. You don’t have to scream over my ignorance this way. 

At least Silk Route has got its *shift* sorted. So, tell me about what’s happening in the WPL? RCB got any titles? 

*ChatGPT freezes, keeps refreshing, keeps loading, finally shows Error 404*What’s with this error? Searches to see whether Error 404 still means the same thing in 2040, and it does. So, you are telling me that RCB Women have won zero titles? So, they have the same number of titles as the C** Women, who don’t want to play in the WPL? That’s not possible. 

Wait, that’s true. RCB are still chasing a title? I’m hopeful that their men’s side have done something? 

By something I don’t mean kick out their captain, coach, and make AI their analyst, anything further than that? Even their men’s title are only drawing blanks? They still don’t have a title? They even signed Arnold Schwarzenegger for power-hitting to replace that Jamaican superstar, and couldn’t win. 

Even R2D2? Even the Aliens didn’t work out? Not even those octopuses who had an element of mystery to them? So, what was this with Dhoni then? He’s won 15 titles and is chasing more, and RCB have won a grand total of ZERO TITLES? 

The fans are still chanting ‘Ee Sala Cup Namde?’

It is 2040 Sala, and the only thing that is theirs is Chip. The pill is losing its power, and has died out. The TV screen is black, and so was the past and present of the franchise. 

Shuts down. 

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Why am I still hearing the chants, Ee Sala Cup Namde, what’s wrong? RCB are really messing with my brain, and I ain’t even a fan. I wonder what happens when you ardently support this franchise. 

Finally, logs off. Ee Sala………

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