Australian allrounder Moises Henriques has opened up about his battles with depression which once forced him to contemplate suicide during a first-class match.
The 33-year-old, who played just 11 ODIs, 11 T20Is and four Tests for Australia, was diagnosed with clinical depression in 2017.
"If you looked up the depression symptoms on Google, I was ticking off almost every single one of them and quite severely," Henriques, who has played for many IPL teams including four-time winners Mumbai Indians, told 'Ordineroli Speaking podcast'.
"I remember lying in bed wanting to (self medicate) for a long time and considering all the different types of drugs that would be possible. At this stage, I was like who would I call? I wasn't even thinking of recreational or party drugs.
"I was thinking where do I get these opioids and these things that are going to numb my brain to a point of not thinking where I'm not capable of thought."
Henriques recalled how once he had thought of crashing his car while driving home from Bankstown midway through a Shield match against Tasmania.
"I remember thinking to myself in the car, I'm doing 110 on the highway thinking if I just turn this car into here, into the pillar or somewhere?" he said.
"I didn't want to create a crash, thinking if I just ran straight into this pole what would happen? What would the consequence of what would happen there?
"I can't do that, it's not fair on my brothers, it's not fair on Krista, it's not fair on all these people that are there for me, I can't leave my team with 10 men for the next two days.
"I ended up having to pull over because I was crying so heavily and I was shaking. I had to pull over, just took five minutes."
Henriques last played international cricket in October, 2017.