Can we now stop watching the Indian Premier League?

Finally, all of that Dil Jashn Bole has come to an end. 

None of that nonsense anymore. Hopefully. Fittingly, it is the Indian fans who are ruing the abysmal shambolic of a pitch in the grand final. Imagine if it happened to any other team. 

All of that absurd cricket is over. Now is the time for real cricket. Or, as Bhai would say, “Auction ka Vaar”, of course, on a weekend. Just a few months before the real chaos, we have a trailer of what the Indian Premier League has become. 

"Everything is fair in IPL Trade and war,” apparently that’s the new saying in the town. There’s no more space for love; it has been taken away by IPL trade in a tournament that is as fair and transparent as it gets. 

It is the only tournament in the cricketing world that has given utmost importance to the “Fair Play Awards”. 

You don’t believe me, do you? 

Try typing “Fair Play A..” on Google; the search results will tell you how fair the IPL has been since its inception. This tournament has a foundation for being fair, so much so that the first title sponsor had an ‘F’ in their name. 

We are not making this up. 

Also, wait, there’s no real advantage if the parent company of your IPL franchise has its businesses in energy, petrochemicals, natural gas, retail, telecommunications, mass media, and textiles, and a dynastical house on Altamount Road for INR 15,000 crore. 

There’s no real advantage, even if they have the broadcasting deal for the tournament itself. That’s evident on the Auction table. Look at how the franchises have the same purse and have the same advantages and disadvantages. 

None of the above makes a difference or an impact on the Auction. You could be the richest man on earth, you could be not even in India but chances are that your team will get the same preference as the others, and only the amount you have on the table makes a telling difference. 

There’s nothing under the table, trust me, bruh. Now, what’s at stake? 

There’s a floating rumour that has taken the integrity of the tournament with it. Sources have confirmed that an Indian all-rounder is leaving a two-time IPL finalist franchise and joining five-time IPL winners. I’m sure there’s no name-taking done anywhere else but the headline of “A trade that is going to break the Indian Premier League”.

Apparently, the franchise will earn INR 15 crores and an undisclosed amount as a transfer fee, out of which a percentage of up to 50% could go to the player. Okay, I can hear you. Let me explain this in layman’s terms. 

There’s nothing going on under the table. I don’t think you were worried about the numbers in front of the transfer or the percentage that would go to the player; you were more interested in knowing whether some additional sum was offered under the table that has lured the player away from two-time IPL finalists. 

If it was some brand deals attached to the player’s transfer, you wouldn’t bat an eye unless it was money. It is a transparent deal; everything is right in front of your eyes. Every other franchise is well-informed about the deal and its conditions. 

Not just that, there is nothing really fishy about the deal either. Think about it: 2025 IPL will be a fresh slate for every franchise, they wouldn’t have the option to retain their entire core and would only have to choose from the best of their players. 

Even before we get to that phase where everyone is scrimmaging over their choices on the table, this five-time IPL-winning franchise have got a free pass into getting one of the hottest properties in the tournament and also a future Indian captain.

All of this, without any other franchise batting an eyelid, no competition, nothing? The player doesn’t even go to the Auction, and nine teams fight for him? A straight pass for a franchise that has already won five titles. Without any extra money. 

There’s no way this five-time IPL-winning franchise deals with something under the table. We have never seen them by-passing laws, even when they played with five overseas players in a tournament. The best part is that one so-called injured player was seen playing in another T20 competition. 

But injured? 

Think of it: have you ever seen this franchise give away a player in a trade deal? But look at all the players they got through the trade deals. 

READ: The Indian Premier League is fixed

Back in IPL 2020, or rather ahead of IPL 2020, when this other title-challenging franchise let go of their premier left-arm pacer, a commodity that was a rarity in the tournament back then. It helped this franchise easily win the IPL, making it look like a joke. 

Oh, how about that one time when this South African wicketkeeper batter was traded to this franchise, helping them win two titles? No one talks about that anymore, eh? Earlier this year, the same franchise got this all-rounder for just INR 50 Lakhs. 

If you were wondering? 

Nothing unfair happens in the IPL. Ever. Not even this trade deal. Not even letting a future Indian skipper join a franchise without competition. 

Not even when they made a profit after such a deal. 

Please note this is a work of satire and it 100% not contain names of people, places and organisations.