safari staff
12 Nov 2022 | 11:49 AM

CDC Awards: A segment ICC can only imagine

Please note this is a work of satire and it 100% may or may not contain names of people, places and organizations

We are once again back at it, the T20 World Cup 2022 Awards in a category that the International Cricket Council (ICC) don’t really hand out in. While all of these awards are purely a work of fiction, you are most likely to look at names that you know, we are not Electronic Arts (EA).

And, if your favourite player or team is there, then just celebrate, don’t feel saddened. We put more effort into these awards than ICC does with theirs.

Utterly butterly ridiculous drop

Winner: Pathum Nissanka

We had to, we really dearly had to because this tournament will go down as one of drops. It is that segment where you are going to hear, oh he dropped the World Cup, oh an unbelievable drop, oh what have you done, X, Y and Z. But we thought about it, there were some dollies dropped during the tournament but the winner is Pathum Nissanka. Sri Lanka had to win something, if not for the award for beating Ireland.

The South Africa award for best chokeslam

Winner: 2022 T20 World Cup batch

It wasn’t a tough decision really. There were some greats, some real South African teams, some really great chokes. Oh, I nearly choked here. Jokes apart, I mean 1992, 1999, 2003 and now 2022, how many years. Unfortunately, we are not going back in time, like how South African fans do in their dream, to change the reality. 

At 43/4, and a foot in the semi-final stage of the competition, this South African batch led by Temba Bavuma found a very unique way to put both their feet together outside the tournament with the loss against Netherlands. Quite a way to go out. 

So, for obvious reasons, it is Bavuma who will lift this award. Careful while climbing up the stair Bavuma. And, also don't drink water or eat fish. 

Ahmed Shehzad catch of the year

Winner: Kane Williamson

You remember Ahmed Shehzad? Me neither but the point here is that we all remember when he claimed a catch after the ball was lying on the ground. Kane Williamson decided to recreate that moment during the game against England, when he grassed a catch before claiming that it was out.

Derby of the World Cup

Winner: Fake Bean

India-Pakistan Move away from the fake derby. The real one is miles away between Pakistan and Zimbabwe. The Fake Bean derby, that by now you must be aware of, and we have the Zimbabwe skipper, Craig Ervine picking up the award because Pakistan are busy in Melbourne, celebrating their success.

Best participation Award

Winner: Shakib Al Hasan

"We haven't come here to win the World Cup,” said Shakib Al Hasan. And, we don’t really have a debate here. I mean if Shakib himself is saying that Bangladesh are here only for participation, we are not really saying anything. So, here he is the man, oh sorry, don’t break the stumps, don’t hit anyone. Here is your award.

Mustafa Mustafa Award

Winner: Netherlands-Pakistan

You know that meme “Friendship ended with Mudasi”? Pakistan during the course of the tournament ended their friendship with Zimbabwe, one that peaked during the pandemic after their loss against them. Now the Netherlands is my best friend, say Pakistan. 

So, the prestigious Mustafa-Mustafa award for the new friendship on the block goes to Netherlands and Pakistan. Let’s get them on stage. 

Spring bat of the tournament

Winner: Suryakumar Yadav

Even if you are born in 2011, you would know the “Spring bat”. The famous one, the one that Ricky Ponting had in the 2003 World Cup, is now in Suryakumar Yadav’s hands. ICC, if you are reading this, please take the bat away. It has spring in it.

Undertaker Award

Winner: Pakistan

He’s back from the dead, how on earth have you done that? UNDERTAKER! Yah, well we all know how that goes. But this is cricket, and guess the team that has done this in the 2022 T20 World Cup, drumrolls – Pakistan. THE REAL UNDERTAKER OF THIS YEAR’S WORLD CUP.

Be careful, England. Be really careful. They can do the Tombstone Piledriver.

Tuk-Tuk cricketer of the tournament

Winner: KL Rahul

83, no we are not talking about India’s win at Lord’s here. We are talking about KL Rahul’s first ten ball strike-rate in the tournament. He rightfully fits in this category, to win the prestigious “Tuk-Tuk” cricketer of the tournament. Hold on. Wait till the first seven balls are done, he will come out and pick his award.

Here he is, Rahul, winning the award. Applause ladies and gentlemen. Someone? At least now? Okay.

Yeh Dosti Award

Winner: Morgan-Hales

“Ae meri jeet teri jeet, teri haar meri haar, sun ae mere yaar,” you know the evergreen song, Yeh Dosti, don’t you? We were thinking, who could we give it to, and we saw plenty of bromances, figuratively. And, there was really only one deserved winner, not Babar and Rizwan but Morgan and Hales. 

You remember the interview, don’t you? Ya, the same interview where Morgan stood there like a few of you during a group viva. These two are inseparable, even when everyone wanted to separate them. 

Cena-nation Award

Winner: David WarnerYou can’t see me; my time is now. You all have heard it before, you have sung it before. And, most definitely, you can’t see John Cena. Guess who was on the same page as Cena during this year’s tournament? David Warner, and I’m sure you couldn’t see him much. 5, 11, 3, 25, and now out of the tournament, Warner certainly deserves this award, handed over by Cena. 

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